NORTHCO-X: Invasion of the UFO's

NORTHCO-X: Invasion of the UFO's
October 30, 2009, 5:10PM


Sean got to the Castle Bar with the full intent of making the shuttle a designated driver. The word was that Frank was awake, like nothing had happened. But they were keeping him in the hospital for observation.
He looked for his favorite table and there was Bernice from accounting with a pitcher and two mugs. She had not even taken a sip out of general courtesy along with the personal protocol never to drink alone.

Oh Bernice, you made it.

Hi Sean. We are all set. How is Frank?

Sean quickly grabbed a mug, which Bernice had filled, and drank it down like it was a canteen full of water and he was in the desert.



Well, I happened to get through to the attending nurse--Frank had listed me as next of kin, can you imagine?--and she said Frank was awake but would remain in the hospital for observation and there will be some testing performed as I predicted.
When you found him, was he bleeding or anything?

No Bernice, he was just lying there on this side. I checked for breathing and called the EMT's. That is about it.

What is going on Sean. Everything seems so weird lately.
ll I am working on a recap Bernice. I mean a summary of all of what has happened. Which reminds me, I found an envelope marked 'Top Secret'. We should review that later when we get home.

Home? My goodness. Bernice smiled and Sean blushed. She loved it when Sean blushed.

Okay let us summarize what we have so far. Frank, who is the number three or four person in management-my direct supervisor-has no idea what his own company actually does. Me, I am manager of the third floor of a three story building and I have no idea exactly what NORTHCO produces. Except there are not three floors and a rather large warehouse basement; there is actually a fourth floor where short people are present.

You, Bernice, have worked in the accounting division for six years; reviewed thousands upon thousands of ledgers; and you do not know what NORTHCO does either.

And I have a dog who glows. And my dog and I have seen other animals residing in the outskirts of the forest who also glow. And the colors seem to vary from blue to orange. And if this is not enough, I swear I saw a pack of armadillos, armadillos for Chrissakes, running to the forest.

And you know what else Bernice. It appears that Thomas is dead; had his head ripped from his body. And the head is still missing and Algie, who appears to have been Thomas' consort, is now under observation in a mental hospital in Pierre.

Have I missed anything here Bernice?


Well, I had heard that Algie was not going to be back at the office for awhile But that was about it. I feel so bad for Thomas though. Where did all this occur?

In Algie's home. It was a tryst of some kind. There were police all over the place. Whenever Algie is released, he will not be going home for awhile because they are doing all they can to keep it a secured crime scene. Animals might even have been involved, but everyone is keeping rather tight lipped about all this.

His head was ripped right off his body? The picture just got to Bernice. My God she thought. Maybe I gotta get as far away from the Dakotas as possible.

Yes. But nobody is talking.

Just then Hanson came by. Hanson was the head of Janitorial Operations at NORTHCO. It seemed like Hanson had always been there. Hanson was truly one of the dumbest human beings Sean had ever met. It seemed like every time Sean spoke with him, Sean ended up in stitches.

The last time he spoke with Hanson at the office he told him that the third floor lady's room needed to be cleaned pronto. Hanson looked at him and asked what the lady's room had to do with the Lone Ranger's companion.

Hanson, mug in hand, addressed the couple: Mind if I join you for a bit?

Well Hanson, good to see you but....

No, just the right time Hanson, Bernice interjected. She called over the maiden and ordered another pitcher as Hanson sat down at the table.

I need to talk to somebody about this. Can I trust you two? You have always been kind to me and I just need to talk to somebody.

Of course Hanson, we are all ears said Bernice.

Hanson looked quizzically at their ears, shook his head and began:

I saw some lights in the night sky last night. Strange lights. Have either of you seen any strange lights?

Sean looked at Bernice. What kind of lights Hanson. I mean were they overhead cause you know we have a lot of night military flights and all around here.

No, these lights were horizontal.

You mean the lights were just over the horizon?

Yeah, like that. Kind of a glow coming from the northern forest.

Then Sean made one of the biggest mistakes he had made in days. Have you ever seen these lights before?
Oh there is stuff goin on in South Dakota all the time. Me and Ralphy, Ralphy was my high school buddy and after we graduated high school we went to work for a horse farm, just outside of Pierre. And the things we saw.

I mean one night, we was surveyin the sky. It was just beautiful that night and the stars were triple clear, believe you me. I mean there was no moon and the sky was just lit up so beautiful and all. It was about midnite and while we was watchin, there appeared, out of nowhere, a bunch of lights in like an octagon shape, you know like a ten sided object.

And it started spinnin and spinnin, kind a like a quarter on slate, you know what I mean? So I says, Ralphy do you see that?
And so Ralphy says, wow. And if you knew Ralphy...well he aint none for conversing and all. When Ralphy says: WOW, I mean that means something.

So all of a sudden, the object with the lights stopped spinning and took off. No sound whatsoever and you know how quiet it can be in the night here. Well let me tell you something, no sound at all emanated from that there object.

So we were on the road anyway, the damn car ran out of gas. We found out later there had been some sort of gas leak. I mean Timmy, my brother, found part of an antler in it...well anyhooo we decided to use Ralphy's new cell phone. And after figuring out how to use it, we called 911.

So Sheriff Johnston shows up about an hour or so later. We were not sure of the time because it was getting chilly in the night air even though it was June and all and so we got into the car and fell asleep.

So I hear a knock at the window and it's the Sheriff. So I get out of the car and start telling him about what was in the sky.

Do you know of any other witnesses Hanson to this great event?

Oh no Sheriff, see we had closed up Popper's and all so everyone was gone.

Oh, closed up Popper's again Hanson, did ya? The Sheriff remarked.

Well I ended up taking a trip in his patrol car and lost my license and everything. I told my lawyer all about it and he just shook his head the same way as Sheriff Johnston.

Let me tell you, the next time that ever happened I would remember to have Ralphy sleep in the driver's side.

Well let me tell you two, this was proof to me of the giant conspiracy. I mean that sheriff just filed charges to shut me up. And the lawyer was in on it, I could tell by the way he shook his head and all after I TOLD HIM THE TRUTH.

So this is really the first time I ever related this story to another human being. And if you repeat it or try to quote me I will deny it because they will just come after me again.

But another time, when I was in Pierre, about one in the morning I should think, Ralphy and I had just closed up Poppers...it was Emily's birthday and all so Sam kept the bar opened till real closing time...and we were outside and there were two speeding rocket type objects traveling right over our heads. I mean we had not even gotten into our car yet (Ralphy kind of forgot where he parked that night) when we saw these visions. And since there was no moon and the sky was clear and Sam had shut off the lights and all,

And so Ralphy, he looks up and points this time and says: WOW WOW.

I mean it was something to behold. And as I watched the arc the two rockets were making, the one rocket on the west side just vanished. Into thin air. I had never seen anything like that ever before in my life and never once since then.

And you can bet we did not call 911 that time. No sirree bob.

Just then, Hanson let one rip. I mean really, really rip. Bernice and Sean looked down as Hanson turned bright red.

I apologize for that. I really do. I have intestinal issues that my doctor is helping me with.

I will be right back Hanson. I got something in my throat, said Sean as he rushed toward the back of the Castle.

Sean began laughing uncontrollably. He had never ever heard a UFO story related like this in his entire life and it was the single funniest thing he ever heard. He thought about all those great stand up comics and thought that Hanson had really missed his calling. And every time he thought he had himself together, Sean started snorting again. So Sean went into the loo and washed his face and thought about the most tragic things he could think of before he came back to the table.

A trio, all of a sudden appeared on stage and began singing:



Autumn in New York can't compare

To the Fall of South Dakota

Rather be in good old Pierre

Than stuck in murky Saratoga



Nothin like the pure open air

To naturally cure your ills

And when all else seems to fail

There's always the good ole Black Hills



Nothin like the pretty prairie

Nothin like good ole prairie dogs

Nothin like beautiful aeries

Compared to New York smog



Suppose there are sights things in New York

That you cannot find in Dakota

But we do have Kevin Costner

While they just have Abe Vigoda

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